One of the things that I find frustrating in Austria is starting friendships with Austrians. They seem to have an attitude of, “What the hell do you want?” when you show some interest and extend an invitation of some sort. I often feel rebuffed when making a light inquiry like going to coffee together.
I think that was one of the reasons for the Starbucks success in the United States. When starting a new friendship in Los Angeles, an invitation to meet up at Starbucks was clearly understood. It read, “I like you and might be interested in a friendship. Let’s see if we are compatible over a cup of coffee.” This worked because a cup of coffee at Starbucks is considered a minor investment of time. It allowed both parties to either stay an hour and realize that there is no potential and go, or stay three hours because the persons understood each other so well.
When I first moved here, I tried to stay away from the American circles. I thought, “I’m here and want to integrate into this culture. The best way to do that is be friends with Austrians.” Much to my frustration, I was regarded with suspicion. I backed away in surprise, thinking I had done something to offend.
When I realized that it was just the Austrian way and stopped taking it personally, I was quickly tired out by the feeling that I had to coax someone to be my friend. Like saying, “It’s okay little guy. I don’t bite. See, I’m not so scary.”
So now that I have become frustrated and worn out by the Austrian friendship hesitation..thing.. I have over the last year directed my efforts to fellow Americans. Within one meeting, I usually have a lunch date planned or a coffeehouse visit scheduled. It’s so easy! For example, just on Wednesday, I met another American woman for the first time. Tonight I am meeting up with her for dinner. We both know it is a casual get-together and don’t anticipate much but a good chat and a little companionship. If the situation grows to a friendship, then we both won something valuable. If it fizzles out, then it fizzles out. No hard feelings.
So here is my plea on the Austrians. If someone is extending a little friendship, think positive and accept the invitation. In my opinion, you can never have too many friends in this life.

friendship in austria


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