Op-Expat

One of the things that I find frustrating in Austria is starting friendships with Austrians. They seem to have an attitude of, “What the hell do you want?” when you show some interest and extend an invitation of some sort. I often feel rebuffed when making a light inquiry like going to coffee together.

I think that was one of the reasons for the Starbucks success in the United States. When starting a new friendship in Los Angeles, an invitation to meet up at Starbucks was clearly understood. It read, “I like you and might be interested in a friendship. Let’s see if we are compatible over a cup of coffee.” This worked because a cup of coffee at Starbucks is considered a minor investment of time. It allowed both parties to either stay an hour and realize that there is no potential and go, or stay three hours because the persons understood each other so well.

When I first moved here, I tried to stay away from the American circles. I thought, “I’m here and want to integrate into this culture. The best way to do that is be friends with Austrians.” Much to my frustration, I was regarded with suspicion. I backed away in surprise, thinking I had done something to offend.

When I realized that it was just the Austrian way and stopped taking it personally, I was quickly tired out by the feeling that I had to coax someone to be my friend. Like saying, “It’s okay little guy. I don’t bite. See, I’m not so scary.”
So now that I have become frustrated and worn out by the Austrian friendship hesitation..thing.. I have over the last year directed my efforts to fellow Americans. Within one meeting, I usually have a lunch date planned or a coffeehouse visit scheduled. It’s so easy! For example, just on Wednesday, I met another American woman for the first time. Tonight I am meeting up with her for dinner. We both know it is a casual get-together and don’t anticipate much but a good chat and a little companionship. If the situation grows to a friendship, then we both won something valuable. If it fizzles out, then it fizzles out. No hard feelings.

So here is my plea on the Austrians. If someone is extending a little friendship, think positive and accept the invitation. In my opinion, you can never have too many friends in this life.

friendship in austria

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I’ve been in Vienna now over two years. Over this time period, it has crept up on me that I have adopted more Austrian cultural ways than I had originally noticed.

This has become apparent over the last two weeks as I have run into other Californians in Vienna. One I met at a networking event. We were introduced and we started chatting. We hit it off and had a really nice conversation. In typical California style to show companionship, she reached out to wrap an arm around me for a casual hug. We Californians are huggers for whatever reason. It’s like the Continental air kiss. Everyone does it. I guess I have been out of CA long enough, because in reaction, I stiffened in surprise. The poor friendly woman noticed right away and pulled her arm off of me as if burned. I felt so bad! I just had a typical Austrian reaction to a typical Californian action. What the heck? Had this same exact situation happened to me two years ago, my automatic reaction would have been to lean into the hug and hug back. Am I losing my Californication?

Another similar situation happened to me again on Friday. I had met this other Californian woman a time or two. When I saw her on Friday, I walked up to her and air kissed her just as she opened her arms for a hug. She exclaimed “Oh!” and air kissed me back in surprise. Oops!

Now I’m culturally confused. How am I to greet not only other Californians, but other Americans?

A recent friend of mine is from the (American) Mid-West. Every time we met up, upon greeting, we stood a bit awkwardly and just said a lame, “Hi.” We didn’t know whether to hug in greeting or air kiss, so we just left it at nothing. Finally, we got sick of the lukewarm greeting and have just adopted the air kiss, but I think that’s because we’ve both been here for the same amount of time.

It ain’t easy being an expat.

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This is the worst case of Denglisch that I have ever seen! Check out the photo below. This is packaging from some tomatoes that I bought. It does in fact read “The fruit that really schmecks!” Ahaahahaaa.

For those of you who aren’t in the know, Denglisch is a portmanteau of the German words Deutsch and Englisch. Used in all German-speaking countries, it describes an influx of English, or pseudo-English, vocabulary into the German language. (Yes, I stole that sentence from Wikipedia).

Denglisch in Vienna

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While at work the other day, I was having some computer problems. I called IT support and a man named Chris answered. He asked me to give him my computer work station ID (so he could know what desktop I was working on). When I spell things out, I usually use the “A” like apple technique.

My work station happens to have the letter “V” in it. So I said, “V” like Vogel, which means bird. For whatever reason I find this word difficult to pronounce (why I chose to use it is beyond me) so I repeated it a few times, “V like Vogel, voooogel, vogeeeel.”

Seems innocent enough right? But when “Vogel” is used as a verb, it is a very crude way to describe, ah-hem, how shall I put it, hopping in the sack? Bumping boots? Doing the wild thing? Basically what I was repeating into the phone was “F***ing” “F***ing” “F***ing”

To make matters worse, Chris the IT guy said that he needed to stop by my office to look at my computer personally. He asked where my office was, and I announced, “On the sixth floor, around the corner, where the three beautiful women sit.”

Surprisingly (or not since he is an IT guy) Chris didn’t crack a smile, but as I was laying the phone down, I heard my two female office mates dying of laughter. One was kind enough to explain what I had actually been saying into the phone and suggested that I use “V” like Viktor in the future.

It ain’t easy being an expat.

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Okay, here is where the Austrians excel. Recycling is such a big part of life that what Americans refer to as, “Going Green” the Austrians do as part of their daily lives.

Throughout the city of Vienna you will see recycling bins everywhere. So if you are a tourist and bought a bottle of water, hang on to it until you see a trashcan that lets you separate your waste. You won’t wait long, I promise.

Right outside my apartment complex are HUGE recycling bins that take paper, glass, plastic, and cans. I just hoof it out and separate things quickly and easily.

When I was still living in the U.S. Paul and I had to drive to the recycling center, pray that the center was open, wait in a long line, and then finally hand over our recyclables. I was so fed up with the process, that I stopped doing it after the second or third time. Paul and I try pretty hard to be environmentally friendly (we don’t have a clothing dryer to reduce our energy usage and unplug EVERYTHING) but the system in the U.S. failed even us.

What does come as a surprise however is the debate going on over here about the energy-saving light bulbs. There are many articles flying around about them and how they are expensive and how you have to wait for them to brighten to their full potential. Who cares? Just be happy that you can turn a switch and get electricity!

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Apparently I am perceived as rude by my Austrian co-workers sometimes. Oops!

In an earlier post that I wrote right when I came to Vienna, “Greetings in Vienna”  I mention how you cannot over-greet an Austrian. You say hello and good-bye what seems like a million times.

Apparently I forgot my own observations. I had a meeting scheduled with my boss this morning. I walked into his office, sat down, and got started talking to get to the heart of the meeting right away. He looked at me a bit funny and I asked if everything was okay. He said, in quite straight-forward Austrian style, “You know what I don’t like that you do? Sometimes you don’t take a moment to just chat. You also don’t sign off on your emails. It’s abrupt. But it’s okay, I know that you are a nice person anyway.”

I paused for a bit. I had to give the guy credit. He was right. My head is so clouded with work that I forget to say a quick, “How are you” before starting a meeting. Another Austrian co-worker had commented as well that I didn’t sign off on my emails all the time.

So back to lesson one when I first got here. You can’t greet an Austrian enough.

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The Americans can’t hold a candle next to the Austrians when it comes to partying. The Austrians know how to put together an event, make it fun, and have it last the entire night.

Events and parties are usually pretty well scheduled. Not that they are ridged, but the Austrians plan how they are going to entertain their guests. If things are going slow, or winding down, the host will usually have something to do to keep the guests going. It can be an organized poker game, a dance party, a drinking game, a contest… the list is endless.

The host also has a tendency to fill your glass or provide an insane amount of liquor so you lose count of how much you have had to drink. People falling over in a drunken stupor aren’t an odd sight at a big party. The host just kept filling the glass and the person lost count.

It helps too that most establishments in Austria stay open the entire night. It’s not like in L.A. where last call is at 2a.m. and the location has to throw out its guests. Crawling out of a dance club while the sun is going up isn’t strange for an Austrian.

Austrians are also very warm, welcoming hosts. The other guests are usually very friendly. If you are a guest at a party, it’s generally easy to slide up to a group and start a conversation.

One thing I do find amusing is that Austrians never seem to go home. If you are hosting a party and an Austrian is invited, expect that person to be the last to leave. What can I say, they love to party!

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I was grocery shopping the other day. I wanted to cook some chicken so made my way over to the meat department. I was looking things over when I saw…wait for it… a bag of chicken hearts. A lot of them. In one bag. What do you do with chicken hearts? Ugh…

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As promised.

Punctuality: If it’s a business meeting, a quick chat at a coffeehouse, or a party, the Austrians are punctual. I love this. It’s a show of respect to other people’s time and what’s more precious in today’s word than our time?

Food: Bread, coffee, desserts, chocolate, vegetables, and fruit all seem to taste out of this world in Austria compared to what’s offered in the U.S. I’m not the only one that says this; I’ve heard it from most Americans who have travelled to Europe. Hey American farmers, take a few lessons from the Austrians, will you?

Straightforwardness: In my last blog post stating what Austrians can learn from Americans, I wrote that Austrians can work on their tact. But on the other side of the pendulum, Americans can be more straightforward. Paul, my husband, never understood the undercurrent of Californian conversation. He would take everything literally, and though Paul is fluent in English, I would have to translate for him. I would have to tell Paul, no the person said X just to be polite. Paul would then ask me why the person would say it in the first place. I don’t know actually and have been working on it myself to say what I mean, and mean what I say. I find it’s more refreshing for me. I also learned from an English co-worker that silence works well instead of saying something just to be polite.

Leisure time: Work is not a part of an Austrian’s identity the way it is an American’s. They know how to let go at the end of the day. They also love vacation time, and use their 30 days a year of vacation time in full. Dear reader, if you have a lot of vacation time (and why is it that I think that you do?) go ahead and use it up. That’s what it is there for. I know, I know, economic crisis, you’re just happy to have a job, but just go.

Any other thoughts on this topic are welcome in the comments section.

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Living in Austria now for almost two years has opened my eyes to how Austrians and Americans go about things differently. I’ll say right now that one group is not superior to the other, but each group is most definitely better at some things than the other group.

I’ll start with what the Austrians can learn from the Americans. But beware American readers, my next post will be about what we can learn from the Austrians.

Self confidence – Americans have a glow of self confidence about them. They have to. In the business world, if they do not give off the aura of self confidence, they’ll get eaten alive. Austrians need to get over their, “We’re so little and powerless,” complex. Otherwise they get manipulated by people like me. When doing business, my husband and I shamelessly exploit this complex to our advantage. We put on our power suits, walk in as a team, and take any Austrian down who dares to stand in our path. We’ve enjoyed incredible discounts and services. Does this mean being rude or nasty? No. We’re polite, but use knowledge, data, and facts to intimidate our opponent. We also make it clear that we don’t take any crap.

Formal presentation skills – When Austrians conduct presentations in front of a crowd, they are factual, straight-forward and read off of PowerPoint slides. Americans on the other hand are conversational, loosen things up with a joke or two, make eye contact with their audience, and connect. Dear Austrians, please attend a few ToastMasters meetings if you have to do presentations at work. You’ll thank me for it.

Informal presentation skills – I am referring to when Austrians meet new people. I know they hate small talk. They think it is artificial babble. And it is! But guess what. The artificial babble that Americans are so good at makes others feel at ease. So Austrians, next time you go out to a networking event, or meet new people, have a few topics in your brain to refer to. I find if you are speaking to another Austrian, acceptable topics are vacation plans and favorite coffeehouses. If speaking with an American, ask about a favorite movie.

Body odor – There are some Austrian people out there that have such intense body odor, it makes me gag and stagger backward in surprise. An old co-worker of mine was so bad that I could not enter his office as he stank up his own space. I don’t know what it is and I don’t care. Personal hygiene is a must. Here Americans excel. I have yet to come into contact with a stinky American.

Tact – Americans live by the rule: If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all. Austrians, it is not okay to greet something with this opening line, “Hey there, see that you gained some weight!” Use a little tact and keep those kinds of thoughts to yourself. This was an actual occurrence that I observed when my husband was greeted by his aunt. Paul kept silent, but later he told me that what had popped into his mind was, “Yeah, well, you look old.” Beware the backfire if you do not use tact.

So those are my thoughts for now. I would love to hear yours in the comments section.

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