In Los Angeles, it is understandable that at work you present one side of yourself. That is the professional side. The side of you that comes in on time, eats a healthy lunch, works hard and then leaves to go home.

In Los Angeles, we understand that when our co-workers go home, they aren’t the professional selves that they present at work. We appreciate that our co-workers put on a show at work and are professional. We simply do not care how a co-worker is at home as long as it does not affect our work lives. If it does affect our work lives we are cranky about it and wish our co-workers would keep their private lives private.

Austrians seem to want to know everything about their co-workers; who they are on a deeper level. I find this exasperating. I don’t care who you are on a deeper level. Just please be nice. Please work hard. Please leave me alone to do my job the best I can. Then let’s all go home and be who we really are in our private worlds.

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Usually I can handle this. On TV or advertisements are just a whatever situation for me. In the public parks all I have to do is avoid certain areas.

Since winter has hit however, the temptation to hang out in saunas has increased for me. I figure that it’s the only place where I can get warm. So I told my husband that is where I wanted to go. To a sauna. He gave me a long look and said. “Really? You know it’s only nudity allowed. You are not allowed to wear a bathing suit.” I scoffed at this. How can you not be allowed to wear a bathing suit? I smiled sweetly to my husband and said that I can handle it.

The day after Christmas we took off to the local therme (hot water baths) and got the extra pass for the saunas. When we walked into the closed off area, I saw one naked woman and man after another. No shyness. No conservatively wrapped towel around this bit or that. It was full on, shameless flaunting.

My eyes widened, and I kept them down and glued to the floor. I asked an employee if I could keep my bathing suit on. She said no, it was not allowed, but I could keep my towel wrapped around me. However, if I wanted to sit in any of the whirl pools, I would have to give up the towel. Well, I guess the whirl pools were out of the question then!

My husband and I went into one of the saunas together (I wasn’t going to go alone! Ugh-uh!!) I kept my eyes down and my towel wrapped tightly around me. I did get a bit bored and decided to peak a glance up. I was pretty surprised. The Austrians were lounging around on their towels sitting any which way they wanted. All hanging out. No bother to sit conservatively. I saw more of this and that then I had ever seen in any sex ed classes I ever took!

Well on one side good for the Austrians for being so casual and comfortable about nudity. On the other I wish there were saunas that were bathing suit or towel required so people like me could feel a bit more comfortable. I don’t think I will go back to a sauna visit otherwise.

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What I do find amusing though, is when an Austrian decides that I rank lower than them because I have an accent or because I lack an Austrian educational title.

I just think, you are such an idiot. You made a snap decision without even trying to investigate further who I am. This totally makes your system invalid!

This is snobbery at its worst!

Please please please. If you are an Austrian and reading this blog post, help stop this! People are people. Whether they are well educated, have a “good job” or come from here or there. Being a person of value comes from inside. Meaning I can have more respect for the company cleaning lady than the VP if the cleaning lady is kind and hard working and the VP lazy and a jerk to everyone. Just take the time to get to know someone before trying to assign “worth.”

And remember this too. Everyone has something to contribute.

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Note that the show is in German.

http://www.musicalvienna.at/index.php/de/spielplan/production/17458

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Germany ranks 8
US ranks 17
Austria ranks 28

Honey! We’re moving to Germany!

The World’s Best Country for Women

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Some of you might roll your eyes and think, duh, but it was really hard to figure out. Austrian women are far better supported by their government then American women. Austrian women also have a tendency to be as assertive as American women. They are also far less suppressed concerning their sexuality than American women.

My husband is Austrian and he doesn’t try to put me in a traditional female role. He’s actually my biggest supporter when it comes to pursuing higher education, my career, and my dreams. When it comes to household duties, he grumbles and drags, but if I ask for him to help out, he does.

Then I started working and dealing with Austrians more. I am surrounded by Austrians at work. This is a great thing because I do need to learn how things are done here, but on the other side, it has presented me with culture shock due to the increased exposure to Austrians.

Oh my, how to explain gender roles in Austria vs. America! It’s not entirely this or that in either society.

Okay here goes. American men are struggling with treating a woman as an equal. It’s no wonder. On one side American society screams that women are equal, but on the other side women aren’t supported by the government to emphasis this statement.

This has left both genders in a black hole when it comes to dealing with one another. Women see the opportunity at being treated equal and are grabbing at it. When they aren’t treated equally, they snap and snarl at men. If they aren’t treated like a lady though, they snap and snarl as well.

American men on the other hand do want women to fulfil a traditional female role, but they also have the attitude of, don’t you dare depend on me, I owe you nothing. I want you to fulfill the traditional female role, but without me fulfilling the traditional masculine role of provider. Neither side is being fair to the other. Neither side is making a clear declaration of what they expect of the other. I think it is because neither side knows what they really want.

Austrian men make it clear that they want a woman to fulfil the traditional female role, but they also make it clear that they will then fulfil the traditional male role of provider and protector.

An example. I was visiting friends and the woman was complaining that her boss was an intolerable idiot. Her Austrian husband waved his hand and declared, “Quit your job and let’s have babies. You don’t have to work, so why go through all this drama.”

His wife let the comment slide. She wasn’t ruffled by it. She knows that she will continue to work because that’s what she wants to do, and that’s that. But I think she took it as reassuring that if things did get bad enough at work, she could quit her job and depend on her husband for support until she figured out another plan, whether it was a career change or in fact having babies. There’s comfort in that reassurance.

I don’t in any way want to say that Austrian men are not supportive of their woman going to work. All Austrian women I know are working. I personally feel supported by my Austrian boss, my Austrian co-workers, and my Austrian husband in my pursuit of a career.

I also feel that Austrian men are very aware that I am female and therefore am treated differently because of it. Exactly how I am treated differently is hard to put my finger on it, but I feel the hyper-awareness of the Austrian men of my femininity. Working in America, I didn’t feel that this was such a topic there as it is here.

It would be enormously interesting to hear comments from you all on this topic, whether you are a man or a woman.

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I think the best market is at The Freyung in the Inner City. The mountain of eggs! You’ve never seen anything like it. Check it out here Ostermarkt Freyung

To celebrate, I’ve set up my Easter tree already. As you can see, I am quite the fan of these little eggs.

Easter Tree in Vienna

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On Friday my husband and I were invited over for a dinner party. Our host, Thomas, noticed that one of his guests only had a few more sips in her wine glass. He called out to her, “Come on, drink up so I can get you a refill.” The woman hastily threw back her glass and gulped down the last sips, much to Thomas’ satisfaction. He jumped up seconds after the glass left her lips and hurried off to the kitchen to get the promised refill.

Now that’s service.

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I think that was one of the reasons for the Starbucks success in the United States. When starting a new friendship in Los Angeles, an invitation to meet up at Starbucks was clearly understood. It read, “I like you and might be interested in a friendship. Let’s see if we are compatible over a cup of coffee.” This worked because a cup of coffee at Starbucks is considered a minor investment of time. It allowed both parties to either stay an hour and realize that there is no potential and go, or stay three hours because the persons understood each other so well.

When I first moved here, I tried to stay away from the American circles. I thought, “I’m here and want to integrate into this culture. The best way to do that is be friends with Austrians.” Much to my frustration, I was regarded with suspicion. I backed away in surprise, thinking I had done something to offend.

When I realized that it was just the Austrian way and stopped taking it personally, I was quickly tired out by the feeling that I had to coax someone to be my friend. Like saying, “It’s okay little guy. I don’t bite. See, I’m not so scary.”
So now that I have become frustrated and worn out by the Austrian friendship hesitation..thing.. I have over the last year directed my efforts to fellow Americans. Within one meeting, I usually have a lunch date planned or a coffeehouse visit scheduled. It’s so easy! For example, just on Wednesday, I met another American woman for the first time. Tonight I am meeting up with her for dinner. We both know it is a casual get-together and don’t anticipate much but a good chat and a little companionship. If the situation grows to a friendship, then we both won something valuable. If it fizzles out, then it fizzles out. No hard feelings.

So here is my plea on the Austrians. If someone is extending a little friendship, think positive and accept the invitation. In my opinion, you can never have too many friends in this life.

friendship in austria

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This has become apparent over the last two weeks as I have run into other Californians in Vienna. One I met at a networking event. We were introduced and we started chatting. We hit it off and had a really nice conversation. In typical California style to show companionship, she reached out to wrap an arm around me for a casual hug. We Californians are huggers for whatever reason. It’s like the Continental air kiss. Everyone does it. I guess I have been out of CA long enough, because in reaction, I stiffened in surprise. The poor friendly woman noticed right away and pulled her arm off of me as if burned. I felt so bad! I just had a typical Austrian reaction to a typical Californian action. What the heck? Had this same exact situation happened to me two years ago, my automatic reaction would have been to lean into the hug and hug back. Am I losing my Californication?

Another similar situation happened to me again on Friday. I had met this other Californian woman a time or two. When I saw her on Friday, I walked up to her and air kissed her just as she opened her arms for a hug. She exclaimed “Oh!” and air kissed me back in surprise. Oops!

Now I’m culturally confused. How am I to greet not only other Californians, but other Americans?

A recent friend of mine is from the (American) Mid-West. Every time we met up, upon greeting, we stood a bit awkwardly and just said a lame, “Hi.” We didn’t know whether to hug in greeting or air kiss, so we just left it at nothing. Finally, we got sick of the lukewarm greeting and have just adopted the air kiss, but I think that’s because we’ve both been here for the same amount of time.

It ain’t easy being an expat.

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