When you are born and raised in one place, and then move to live in another, your inner balance tips. A lot of what you were raised to believe no longer applies in the new place that you are.
Eventually you come to ask yourself, how do I fit in here? What part of myself do I give up? What part do I keep? These are scary questions to ask when looking in the mirror as an expat.
In Los Angeles, where I was born and raised, being friendly to everyone, fast-moving, fast-talking, aggressive in the business world, fashionably dressed, and ignoring hierarchy is the way of L.A.
There you carelessly make a promise and break it without a blink. There you are worried about the competition taking your job. There you climb the corporate ladder as fast as you are capable of, be damned of age or experience.
L.A. is not an easy town, but that’s exactly what makes it great. Everyone knows it requires an aggressive attitude that allows one to take risk. And if you take risk, at some point you will fall on your ass. Los Angelians don’t participate in schadenfreude. Instead, they grab you by the hand, haul you up, and tell you to try again.
So I brought these principles of life from LA to Vienna with me. They worked very well for me in LA, so why wouldn’t I? Umm, because they don’t work in Vienna?
Vienna is quiet, slower, loyal, modest, and more patient than LA will ever be. LA isn’t interested in any of these traits. Neither was I when I first came here.
Now that I have been in Vienna almost three years, I get that I have to change my ways to fit in. But I find that I ask myself, how badly do I want to fit in?
For example. I’m a very fashionable dresser and take pride in that. The Viennese see this as a silly vanity and I am looked down upon because of it. I ask myself if I should tone down my way of dressing. I would fit in better if I did.
Then I think, why the hell should I dress down to make those around me feel better? It’s the choice of those around me to look frumpy. They can change it with a quick visit to H&M and a good eye at the make-up counter. But they choose not to. Therefore, why should their personal choice affect me?
The Austrians are also very modest. They keep quiet about their success. I would find this admirable if it didn’t drive me absolutely crazy! I love to hear about a person’s success because I think, oh, I can learn from you!
So I still don’t know what I intend to keep about myself and what I intend to change for the sake of fitting in. Even in LA I marched to my own drum, so maybe I’m just incapable of blending in, taking the quieter, conservative route.
I am after all an expat, and let’s face it people, that is not the route of the cautious and conservative.
Tell me, have you struggled with this topic? What conclusion have you come to?
